So Then What Happened?

You can thank my mom for this one.

Following my return from Germany in August, I lost motivation to do anything constructive, blog posts included.  Summer in western Japan is notoriously hot and muggy, and it was all I could do to drag myself out of the puddle of sweat that constituted my bed each morning, pour myself into a business suit (subliminal message: I hate suits I hate suits I hate suits) and swim to work through the soggy streets of downtown Hiroshima.  Once there, I would teach kids who were not only hyper but also extremely ripe since, like me, they had been basted in a  gooey layer of perspiration for months but, unlike me, they hadn't taken any baths during that time.  So when I returned home each evening (via hour-and-a-half-long commute on a streetcar named Oh-My-God-It-Smells-Like-Feet-In-Here), it was so easy to just lie in front of the fan and watch whatever I had illegally downloaded from the internet that day.  To sum up: pirating television shows = easy, writing a blog = ...also easy, but not as easy as the former.

That said, things happened!  And since my mom insists, I will now condense my final two months in Japan into a concise, numbered list of highlights.  Which means we'll be starting with...

#1: Japanese Baseball Game
Ryan and I went with our friends Jeremy, Shiho, and Masa to a Japanese baseball game in early September.  Japanese baseball games are just as crazy in real life as they are in the movies, except real Japanese baseball games have less Tom Selleck.  This particular game was a bare-knuckle brawl between our hometown heroes, the Hiroshima Toyo Carp, and those poopy purveyors of putrescence, the Tokyo Giants.  Hiroshima technically lost the game in a heartbreaking upset during the seventh inning.  But if you compare the mascots of these two teams, I think it's obvious who the real winner is.

Tokyo Yomiuri Giants mascot.

Hiroshima Toyo Carp Mascot.

...It's the Tokyo Giants.  The Tokyo Giants are the real winners.  Because Hiroshima's mascot is just a re-color of the Philadelphia Fanatic.  (You might not believe this, but the Philly Fanatic and Hiroshima's mascot, Slyly, were designed by the same man!  I know, I was shocked too).

#2: China
Skip ahead to early October, and I was on my way to Beijing, China.  I had plans to visit an old student and her family, who were living in Beijing's Koreatown.  Those plans unfortunately fell through after I had already purchased plane tickets and booked a hotel room, but it was no big deal.  Since I didn't speak Chinese and knew nothing about Chinese culture, I decided to do the sensible thing, take the financial hit square on the chin, and spend a quiet weekend at home with my fiance.

Except I actually did the exact opposite of that.  Psych!  Seriously, if you guys had paid any attention to Facebook back in October, you would have known this.  There are pictures of me in China all over the place.  You should be more observant.

There is nothing I can say about Beijing, China that hasn't been said a hundred times before.  The air is dirty (I mean post-apocalyptic-nuclear-winter dirty), the food is colorful, and the taxi cabs go way too fast (and don't have seat belts).  Near the center of Beijing, I felt the watchful eyes of Mao upon me as I cavorted amongst countless soldiers and monuments with improbably bombastic names like "The Glorious Outstanding  Mind-blowing People's Hall of Supreme Justice and Unity in Labor and National Pride People Labor People Labor Unity Monument."  Further away from the epicenter, I found back-alleys overflowing with street vendors who, despite living in a communist nation, are really keen on capitalism if it means they can sell you an ink pen with a picture of a panda on it for four dollars. 

This is one of the aforementioned alleys.  I followed this arrow, but alas, the promised foot race failed to materialize!

#3: Halloween
People in Japan kind of get Halloween.  I mean, they know it involves pumpkins.  And ghosts and witches and stuff.  And some costumes.  But mostly lots and lots of pumpkins.  In fact, when Ryan and I went to Universal Studios on October 31st, I overheard a Japanese woman complaining that Halloween was: "Pumpkins pumpkins pumpkins!  Only pumpkins!"  Which was basically true, if you were spending Halloween at Universal Studios Japan.

...Okay, that's not quite fair.  They also had a sweet "horror area" where zombies would chase you around, plus a couple haunted houses.  Although one of the haunted houses had a velociraptor in it...that you could pet.

Pictured: a haunted house?

And at closing time they had a Cinderella Magical Fantasy Dream Wish parade.  But they kind of get Halloween!  They're trying, at least!

Also, we had a Halloween party and I won third prize in the costume contest!  I'm the one dead center with the huge red bow.  Ryan's the guy next to me with flowing orange locks.  Our friend Jeremy is in the back with a sword in his mouth.

#4: I Found a Kitten
One day, I was walking around stuffing advertisements in mailboxes when I found a stray kitten crying in a bush.  I promptly stopped working and made an unauthorized visit to a veterinarian, who informed me that the kitten had worms and also there were no such things as animal shelters in Japan.  So I got to smuggle the little bundle of joy into my no-pets-allowed apartment building and hide it in my room for three days until I found her a loving home.  Her name is Linda.

Linda looks a lot better than I do in this picture.

#5: Some Music Videos
These are already way old in Japan, but it's not like you guys are going to know the difference, right?  So please enjoy two very Japanese music videos that were popular during my final months in the country.

"Maru Maru Mori Mori"
This is apparently from some drama I've never seen.  It's about eating, pretty much, and how pumped we should all be about food.  That's a sentiment I can support!



"Pom Pom Pom"
For the uninitiated, this is a Harajuku girl.  I mean, more or less.  Why a giant eyeball pops up at one point, I really can't tell you.



In Conclusion...
I'm back in America now, feeling very much like the new kid in school.  Everything's sort of similar to the last time I was here -- I mean, school is school -- but the slight differences are throwing me off.  There are shows on television I've never heard of.  The radio stations have somehow gotten even worse.  Friends have gotten engaged or graduated or lost obscene amounts of weight, and I wasn't there for it.  So I'm kind of bummed about that.

Which is not to say that I'd trade my experience in Japan for anything.  After all, I got to spend a year living in a foreign country, traveling to additional foreign countries, making friends I never would have met otherwise, and watching the girl from "Pom Pom Pom" vomit bats and insanity.  You can't -- and shouldn't -- underestimate the value of such opportunities.  And I'm planning on going back, at least to visit my Japanese pals.

For now, I need to sleep.  Maybe Ryan will do a better wrap-up then I've managed to do.  Until he does, take care of yourselves.  And each other.

Fun in the Vaterland

I`m not entirely sure if it`s kosher for me to post about Germany on a Japan blog. I mean, we`ve posted about Korea before -- but Korea is Japan`s closest neighbor and there`s a lot of cultural exchange between the two. Japan and Germany? Not so much. In fact, the degree to which Japanese and German culture do not in any way resemble each other was made abudantly apparent during my visit to the Fatherland.  In just a few short hours -- okay, okay, many loooong hours -- 23 of them to be exact, since I bought the cheapest tickets possible and had two stop-overs in China...

Er, where was I?  Oh, yeah.  Well, I basically transitioned from the politest country imaginable -- a place where a filthy drunkard wanders into a convenience store and passes out on the floor in a puddle of his own vomit and the convenience store employees mop around him to avoid waking him up -- to a country where, as far as I was able to determine, no one gives a rip.  People took swigs from open bottles of beer on the bus.  A drunken bachelor party was held in front of one of the country`s most venerable cathedrals.  Wayward twenty-somethings at a club called Monkeys danced to a song consisting entirely of a Dutch woman saying "What the f***."  It was a weird, weird leap for me to make.

I sure did get some lovely pictures, though!

A flyer on the wall of my sister`s dorm room.  Translation: "Giessen remains Nazi-free."  Apparently, the Nazis were planning on having a rally in Giessen, of all places, and the good citizens of that town wanted to hold a simultaneous counter-demonstration.  So yes, Nazis are still a thing; and no, Giessen doesn`t like them.

My souvenir from the Haribo factory.  In case you couldn`t tell, they are gummy butts with ears.  According to my sister, they were straight-up labelled "Arschen mit Oehren."  I guess if you`re going to market something that weird, there`s no point in playing coy about it.

Wait a second!  I thought I left Japan!  What`s all this nonsense about "Happy World of Living"!?

The main square in downtown Giessen.  `Tis a humble place, but I thought it was adorable.

Funny English: not just for Asia anymore!  This is a coin bank bearing the images of endangered animals.  The words at the top read "WORLD don`t Kill me."

"Dusch das" translates as "Wash that."  And yes, it is pronounced "doosh"...

My sister in downtown Wiesbaden, the capital of the German state of Hessen.

Yours truly in a German souvenir shop amongst a veritable forest of cuckoo clocks!  My parents may or may not be receiving gifts from this shop.  Shhhh...

A Russian Orthodox cathedral in Wiesbaden.  This just in: Russian Orthodox cathedrals are where it`s at, you guys.  Check out them gold domes.  And they sold Virgin Mary trading cards inside!

Monica and I inside the Wiesbaden Casino, where Fyodor Dostoevsky once gambled.

"Fjodor Dostojewski."  See, I told you!  Unfortunately, we weren`t allowed into his room.  There was some convention going on in there, plus I don`t think my flip-flops and stretch-pants quite met the dress code.

The Wiesbaden casino from outside.

This is a giant Euro statue in Frankfurt.  Since it`s the banking capital of Germany, Frankfurt kind of has a crush on the Euro.  And it shows.  If you`re wondering why this Euro sign is backwards, it`s because the lighting was rubbish if we stood on the other side of it.

Believe it or not, this trippy, cool, utterly unnecessary vortex of glass was a mall in downtown Frankfurt.

The old square in Frankfurt.  This just screams Germany, don`t it?  Or, if you`re from Michigan, I guess it probably screams "Frankenmuth" and "Bronner`s Christmas Wonderland."

The cathedral in Frankfurt.

Another church in Frankfurt.  What a neat, atmospheric picture, am I right?  Good work, self!

The next day, we took a Mitfahr to Heidelberg.  Mitfahr is basically socially acceptable, pre-arranged hitchhiking with a total stranger.  Our Mitfahr guy was an aging hippie who let us ride in the back of his old motor home with his dog, Quiero.

My sister in the back of the Mitfahr minivan reading a children`s book about a magical boy with a pig`s nose who grants wishes.

German children playing in the fountain in Heidelberg.  Wow, this image alone is enough to make Rick Steves lapse into a Europe-induced joy-coma.

Heidelberg Castle, the Most Romantic Castle in Germany.

Heidelberg Castle was continuously maintained and remodeled until 1693 (?) when the French decided to cannon-ball the poop out of it.  Louis XIV, you were the worst Louis ever.

The Pharmacy Museum inside the Heidelberg Castle grounds.  What I really want to know is, what the heck was the crocodile for?  Like, if the leeches weren`t facilitating a sufficient level of bloodloss, they`d have a crocodile bite your leg off or something?  I don`t understand!

The ballroom in Heidelberg Castle.  It was, of course, hooked up to the Largest Keg in Germany, which you`ll see in a moment.

The newest part of the castle, constructed for the king`s wife and subsequently destroyed (because Louis XIV was a gigantic buttlord).

My sister and the Largest Keg in Germany, Heidelberg Castle`s main attraction (naturally!).

For those of you who didn`t go to college, never met anyone who went to college, and/or have never driven through downtown Ann Arbor during a football game, allow me to demonstrate what a keg is used for.

Schwester and I outside of Heidelberg Castle.

Er, trendy?  The worship of Satan has received many labels over the years, but I wasn`t aware that "trendy" was one of them.

Jassin`s roomate`s dog, Strumpf.  It means "stocking."  Look at that little scamp!

Clockwise from right: my sister, the back of Jassin`s head, Jassin`s roomate, and Jassin`s friend Jan.

Koeln Cathedral, aka the Koelnerdom.  It`s one of the biggest, most breath-taking cathedrals in Germany, and it`s almost physically impossible to get the entire thing in one photograph from less than eight hundred feet back.

My sister inside Koeln Cathedral.  The candles are for the Feast of the Assumption, which was scheduled to take place the following Monday.

A 1,100-year-old Jesus.  Monica looks like, inordinately spiritual in this picture.

Me at the top of the Koelnerdom.  It takes a solid 20-25 minutes to climb to the top, and the stairway really smells because everybody is sweating so much.  It ain`t an easy climb, which is why my cheeks are kind of red in this picture.

The view from the top of Koelnerdom.  Farewell, Deutschland!  I shall return someday!

Teresa and Dan Go Nihon!

I finally got visitors!

At long, long last I was reunited with high-school chum (and apple of my eye), Teresa Vigmostad.  Fresh out of the Navy and accompanied by her lushly-bearded beau, Dan Viola, she came prepared to experience the wonders of this great island nation.  Wonders which included three junior high school boys wiping out in the middle of the street while trying to ride one bicycle and lots of guys in short-sleeved white work shirts.  But I digress.

Teresa and I on the train to Miyajima Island.  I had somehow managed to secure a day off, though I'm sure I'll have to pay for it later with my soul.  As a side note, don't we look totally boss in this picture?

Teresa and I on Miyajima Island with the famous Vermillion gate in the background.  I know I've shown you Miyajima pics before, but these ones have Teresa in them and are thus far superior to my previous photos.

Dan, Ryan, Teresa and I outside of an arcade on Hondori (the main drag through downtown Hiroshima) with that eternal titan of Japanese cute-dom, Rilakuma.  That's right, we met the Rilakuma.  He's actually a really down-to-earth guy.

Me, Shiho and Dan gearing up for some serious Print Club action.  Dan was excessively surly about something, but the beard counteracts any negative impact that surliness would have had on this picture.

Print Club Photo the first!  I like Ryan's expression on the right.  I'm still not sure if he was intentionally trying to imitate The Scream or if he just wanted this picture to look as freaky as possible.

Print Club Photo the second!  Just look at Dan's face on the bottom right.  Good luck falling asleep tonight!

Korean Dramas

I've already mentioned multiple times that Korean stuff is huge in Japan.  In fact, Korean culture is enjoying a surge in popularity throughout Asia -- a surge known as "hallyu," or the "Korean wave."  One of the most popular Korean imports?  Dramas. 

Dramas in Asia are more or less the equivalent of soap operas in America, except they aren't as long-running and none of them feature Timmy the Talking Doll (which is a bit of a shame, really).  Japanese dramas are usually twelve episodes long and somewhat less melodramatic than their American counterparts.  Korean dramas, meanwhile, are 16 episodes long and completely insane.

But boy, they sure are popular.  And Ryan and I felt that we would be remiss if we didn't at least try to understand them.  So we did some cursory research on the internet and downloaded the K-drama that allegedly sparked Japan's fascination with the genre: Full House.

No, not that Full House...

This Full House.

Full House is the story of a woman named Ji-eun whose terrible, terrible friends sell her house and pocket the cash after sending her on a bogus trip to Shanghai.  While in China, she meets famous movie star and heart-throb Young Jae.  Through a series of whacky misunderstandings, Ji-eun and Young Jae end up married and living in the very house Ji-eun's stupid friends sold at the beginning of the show.  Turns out they sold it to Young Jae!  Man, what a kooky turn of events!  The madcap, unbridled zaniness is further heightened by the fact that Ji-eun and Young Jae despise each other and only got married so Young Jae could protect the privacy of his childhood friend and Ji-eun could earn her house back by acting as his maid/slave.  Somehow!

If you couldn't follow any of that, don't worry.  I suspect the success of Full House has less to do with its intricate plot and more to do with the guy who plays Young Jae.

SQUEEEEEEEEAAAAAL!

This is Rain, a famous singer/actor in Korea who can pull off a petulant-little-boy pout like nobody's business.  When I worked at the Korean tutoring center in Ann Arbor, I had to read at least three essays about "Why Rain is my Hero."  In short, Korean kids (and middle-aged ladies?) loooooove Rain.

So now for some of the defining features of Korean dramas, as manifested in Full House.

1. Korean dramas are filmed as they air.  From what I understand, this means that lots of time and money are lavished on the first few installments while subsequent episodes have to get pooped out in a hot hurry.  In the case off Full House,  the initial episodes had our heroine traveling around Shanghai, staying in a fancy hotel and visiting various up-scale restaurants.  By the end of the show, though, she and Young Jae just hung out at home a lot and always went to the same empty bar that played the same Bob Dylan song on a constant loop.  It was clear that the crew had run out of time, money, and possibly the ability to care less.

2. Korean dramas are very receptive to audience feedback.  Apparently, the creators of Korean dramas regularly troll the internet in order to suss out fans' opinions.  If the fans don't like a character, the character will suddenly die of a massive heart attack in the next episode.  If fans love a character who is in the final stages of terminal brain cancer, that tumor will suddenly decide to take a hike.  Most bizarrely, if fans enjoyed a particular scene, the writers will throw in a very similar scene later on.  In Full House, this translated to the exact same things happening over and over again without any variation at all.  The writers literally wrote in the same scene eight times.

3. Korean dramas are addictive.  I have to admit, as tiresome as it got hearing Rain emotionally abuse a girl whom he had manipulated into a contract marriage, and as repetitive as it was watching the EXACT SAME SCENE for the ninetieth time, I couldn't just stop watching.  I had to see if they got together in the end.  Unfortunately, the pay-off in the final episode was Young Jae and Ji-eun sitting together (fully-clothed) in a tent and engaging in a "hot kiss."  And I use that term loosely, since I've seen hotter kisses planted on the cheeks of people's grandmothers.


In the final analysis, I don't believe Korean drama is a genre I could get particularly invested in.  But I can see why a lot of people are completely consumed by them.  They are kind of fun.

Plus Rain, you guys.  Rain.