Fun in the Vaterland

I`m not entirely sure if it`s kosher for me to post about Germany on a Japan blog. I mean, we`ve posted about Korea before -- but Korea is Japan`s closest neighbor and there`s a lot of cultural exchange between the two. Japan and Germany? Not so much. In fact, the degree to which Japanese and German culture do not in any way resemble each other was made abudantly apparent during my visit to the Fatherland.  In just a few short hours -- okay, okay, many loooong hours -- 23 of them to be exact, since I bought the cheapest tickets possible and had two stop-overs in China...

Er, where was I?  Oh, yeah.  Well, I basically transitioned from the politest country imaginable -- a place where a filthy drunkard wanders into a convenience store and passes out on the floor in a puddle of his own vomit and the convenience store employees mop around him to avoid waking him up -- to a country where, as far as I was able to determine, no one gives a rip.  People took swigs from open bottles of beer on the bus.  A drunken bachelor party was held in front of one of the country`s most venerable cathedrals.  Wayward twenty-somethings at a club called Monkeys danced to a song consisting entirely of a Dutch woman saying "What the f***."  It was a weird, weird leap for me to make.

I sure did get some lovely pictures, though!

A flyer on the wall of my sister`s dorm room.  Translation: "Giessen remains Nazi-free."  Apparently, the Nazis were planning on having a rally in Giessen, of all places, and the good citizens of that town wanted to hold a simultaneous counter-demonstration.  So yes, Nazis are still a thing; and no, Giessen doesn`t like them.

My souvenir from the Haribo factory.  In case you couldn`t tell, they are gummy butts with ears.  According to my sister, they were straight-up labelled "Arschen mit Oehren."  I guess if you`re going to market something that weird, there`s no point in playing coy about it.

Wait a second!  I thought I left Japan!  What`s all this nonsense about "Happy World of Living"!?

The main square in downtown Giessen.  `Tis a humble place, but I thought it was adorable.

Funny English: not just for Asia anymore!  This is a coin bank bearing the images of endangered animals.  The words at the top read "WORLD don`t Kill me."

"Dusch das" translates as "Wash that."  And yes, it is pronounced "doosh"...

My sister in downtown Wiesbaden, the capital of the German state of Hessen.

Yours truly in a German souvenir shop amongst a veritable forest of cuckoo clocks!  My parents may or may not be receiving gifts from this shop.  Shhhh...

A Russian Orthodox cathedral in Wiesbaden.  This just in: Russian Orthodox cathedrals are where it`s at, you guys.  Check out them gold domes.  And they sold Virgin Mary trading cards inside!

Monica and I inside the Wiesbaden Casino, where Fyodor Dostoevsky once gambled.

"Fjodor Dostojewski."  See, I told you!  Unfortunately, we weren`t allowed into his room.  There was some convention going on in there, plus I don`t think my flip-flops and stretch-pants quite met the dress code.

The Wiesbaden casino from outside.

This is a giant Euro statue in Frankfurt.  Since it`s the banking capital of Germany, Frankfurt kind of has a crush on the Euro.  And it shows.  If you`re wondering why this Euro sign is backwards, it`s because the lighting was rubbish if we stood on the other side of it.

Believe it or not, this trippy, cool, utterly unnecessary vortex of glass was a mall in downtown Frankfurt.

The old square in Frankfurt.  This just screams Germany, don`t it?  Or, if you`re from Michigan, I guess it probably screams "Frankenmuth" and "Bronner`s Christmas Wonderland."

The cathedral in Frankfurt.

Another church in Frankfurt.  What a neat, atmospheric picture, am I right?  Good work, self!

The next day, we took a Mitfahr to Heidelberg.  Mitfahr is basically socially acceptable, pre-arranged hitchhiking with a total stranger.  Our Mitfahr guy was an aging hippie who let us ride in the back of his old motor home with his dog, Quiero.

My sister in the back of the Mitfahr minivan reading a children`s book about a magical boy with a pig`s nose who grants wishes.

German children playing in the fountain in Heidelberg.  Wow, this image alone is enough to make Rick Steves lapse into a Europe-induced joy-coma.

Heidelberg Castle, the Most Romantic Castle in Germany.

Heidelberg Castle was continuously maintained and remodeled until 1693 (?) when the French decided to cannon-ball the poop out of it.  Louis XIV, you were the worst Louis ever.

The Pharmacy Museum inside the Heidelberg Castle grounds.  What I really want to know is, what the heck was the crocodile for?  Like, if the leeches weren`t facilitating a sufficient level of bloodloss, they`d have a crocodile bite your leg off or something?  I don`t understand!

The ballroom in Heidelberg Castle.  It was, of course, hooked up to the Largest Keg in Germany, which you`ll see in a moment.

The newest part of the castle, constructed for the king`s wife and subsequently destroyed (because Louis XIV was a gigantic buttlord).

My sister and the Largest Keg in Germany, Heidelberg Castle`s main attraction (naturally!).

For those of you who didn`t go to college, never met anyone who went to college, and/or have never driven through downtown Ann Arbor during a football game, allow me to demonstrate what a keg is used for.

Schwester and I outside of Heidelberg Castle.

Er, trendy?  The worship of Satan has received many labels over the years, but I wasn`t aware that "trendy" was one of them.

Jassin`s roomate`s dog, Strumpf.  It means "stocking."  Look at that little scamp!

Clockwise from right: my sister, the back of Jassin`s head, Jassin`s roomate, and Jassin`s friend Jan.

Koeln Cathedral, aka the Koelnerdom.  It`s one of the biggest, most breath-taking cathedrals in Germany, and it`s almost physically impossible to get the entire thing in one photograph from less than eight hundred feet back.

My sister inside Koeln Cathedral.  The candles are for the Feast of the Assumption, which was scheduled to take place the following Monday.

A 1,100-year-old Jesus.  Monica looks like, inordinately spiritual in this picture.

Me at the top of the Koelnerdom.  It takes a solid 20-25 minutes to climb to the top, and the stairway really smells because everybody is sweating so much.  It ain`t an easy climb, which is why my cheeks are kind of red in this picture.

The view from the top of Koelnerdom.  Farewell, Deutschland!  I shall return someday!